LJ Idol LPF Week 3

[encrefloue]

Topic: "Tsundoku"

Note: The first stanza is to be read horizontally, left to right. The second stanza is to be read vertically, right to left. If you're not keen on this, I've posted the poem as plain text in the first comment on this post.

t	s	u	n	d	o	k	u
It	sp	un	an	d t	oo	k o	ut
the	shr	oud,	sen	din	g ro	ck d	ust
into	fres	h wou	nds a	nd a h	omes	ick m	outh.
After	it sur	round	ed any	dolef	ul, onl	ookin	g curs,
it sate	d itsel	f with u	nlatch	ing nod	es from	unkemp	t tufts
of palm t	rees and	jumbled	nori, dis	carding	them alo	ng Tohok	u's coast.

t	s	U	N	D	O	k	U
at	o s	nu	in	id	ol	ak	nu
too	ets	sua	e en	Edo	ong	is, k	su a
ed to	a squ	l tum	ds ne	endu	pour	oi, ki	l rup
tacit	all as	ults, t	ver kn	re as d	ed ont	cking	tures
mouths:	animus	umesce	own by a	ire a dr	o Obasa	askew a	surged,
tsunami.	asunder,	nt furor—	kitsune.	eam's end?	n's books.	katsura.	hurling

Comments

[encrefloue]

tsundoku
It spun and took out
the shroud, sending rock dust
into fresh wounds and a homesick mouth.
After it surrounded any doleful, onlooking curs,
it sated itself with unlatching nodes from unkempt tufts
of palm trees and jumbled nori, discarding them along Tohoku's coast.

Unusual ruptures surged, hurling
kakis, koi, kicking askew a katsura.
Oolong poured onto Obasan's books.
Did Edo endure as dire a dream's end?
Nine ends never known by a kitsune.
Unusual tumults, tumescent furor—
so sets a squall as animus asunder,
tattooed to tacit mouths: tsunami.

[bleodswean]

This is sheer and absolute word ART. The time is evident and the cryptic message a kind of universal dream image. SO NICE!

[alycewilson]

I love how you've stacked the sounds here! Very creative and well done.

[murielle]

As always your art and vision seduce and enlighten.

My take-away may be unintended, but there is a picture etched in my brain now of a tsunami of unread books.

Brilliant!

[sonreir]

Good lord, how long did this take to format? It's brilliant! How do you have the time to do these each week? :)

[bewize]

What a lovely idea.

[tonithegreat]

Ah, these are brilliant! I love that you keep doing things that Annie and I can talk about and she can learn from. This was mathematical! And I don’t just mean that in the adventure-time hipster sense. I like that your lyrical use of language gets down to the real rhythm of things!

[the_eternal_overthinker]

AMAZING! *claps* This is something I had in mind and couldn't get it on paper. What a well done job and that too with poetry. Kudos! *take a bow*

[adoptedwriter]

Very unique! Is there an official name for this style of poetry / writing?

[encrefloue]

Thank you! I officially call it a Tsundoku, haha. I wanted to create a poem structure that embodied the joining of the characters "pile up" and "read" (per Wikipedia). I'm sure there are poems with similar structures, but I would be surprised if there was another that followed exactly the elements that this one has, mostly for three reasons:
1) The switch from English reading direction to Japanese reading direction.
2) The requirement to retain the key letters is actually very restricting in the vertical format.
3) The critical execution error that I made. One of the core rules that I imposed on myself for designing the structure was that the stanzas were to be perfect squares, as this seems much more in line with the Japanese aesthetics of precision, uniformity, and symmetry. In my rush to beat the deadline, I broke this core rule in making 8x7 rectangles instead of 8x8 squares. I just had it in my head that I was working within the parameters of 7x7, then the gasp of horror upon realizing my design flaw after finishing the poem with minutes to spare. If there is a pre-existing poem form, it surely would require the symmetry. Maybe at some point I'll rework it to redeem it, haha.

[encrefloue]

But I guess you could say there was some inspiration pulled from the fixed-form Villanelle, a French poem form with very rigid rules. Those rules are quite different than the ones I made here, but perhaps a past experience with trying my hand at a Villanelle nurtured an appreciation for how constraints can lead to creative solutions.

[rayaso]

This was a very interesting idea! The poem was certainly worth deciphering. This must have been difficult to put together.

[halfshellvenus]

I skipped the deciphering, but noticed the increasing size of each letter unit going along (a neat form!)THAT must have taken some time to work out, to make sure you progressed through the letter lengths correctly.

And then the content of the two stanzas-- such a vivid picture of a horrible weather event in the first, and so much wordplay in the second! kakis, koi, kicking askew a katsura.
This is word art in both the literal and lyrical sense. :)