LJ Idol LPF Week 3 Tiebreaker

[encrefloue]

We unfurled fingers from our ruddy lips

and in exhaling were awestruck

that Air itself

would stoop to accept our hot tufts of spitty molecules

as its newborns, its grandmothers.

The Sun was too hungover to witness our masterful infancy,

and in that moment, we were the only audience to our being—

we gave each other knowing looks and played it off casually

by hurtling through the bedsheets of grass in fits of vocal everythings,

collecting each possible friendly drop of dew upon our gasping, sentient skin.

Comments

[tatdatcm]

You have some powerful imagery here.

Best of luck!!

[murielle]

"...and in exhaling were awestruck

that Air itself

would stoop to accept our hot tufts of spitty molecules..."

This!

"...our gasping, sentient skin."

And this!

This is beautiful!

[megatronix]

Whoa. This is awesome.

"Air itself would stoop" is so cool. The Sun being hungover is very interesting!! I also like "we were the only audience to our being."

This is mesmerizing. I could read it over and over. Very well done!

[adoptedwriter]

rich detail in a few words. I echo what Megatronix says.

[bewize]

Beautiful job!

[oxymoron67]

You packed a lot into very few words.

[moretta]

Beautiful.

[rayaso]

This was a wonderful poem, as always, and must have been very difficult to write with such short notice. Good luck!

[sonreir]

I love this.

[halfshellvenus]

Your poems are always so vivid, so rich with imagery while also making such wonderful use of language in poetic style.

There's such a feeling of sexual abandon in this, and a sense of a line newly crossed, like a relationship transitioning from friendship into the 'more' that changes everything.

[tonithegreat]

I love that you went ahead with another poem here! This one is a lot more accessible than your Tsundoku entry, though I found both delightful.

[flipflop_diva]

I love this one, especially the idea of the sun being too hungover! Beautifully written!